A man walked into a bar, and he had a crocodile with him.
Everybody looked at the crocodile and they were all very quiet and a bit scared.
Then the man says: " Dont worry folks, this animal is very sweet and he won't bite."
To prove that he is right he puts down his pants, takes his dick and put it into the mouth of
the crocodile, and then he hits the crocodile on his head.
And it is amazing..... but indeed..... the crocodile does not bite !
Then he look around and ask:" Anybody else wanna try this?"
And then a little old lady comes out from the back of the bar, and she says:" Yes..... i will try that,
but then you must not hit me on my head so hard."
A woman came to her doctor and asked if he could help her, because she wanted bigger tits.
The doctor looked at her and said:" O.K. i will help you, you must take some toiletpaper and
rub your tits with it, every day."
Woman: "Are you sure this will work?"
Doctor: "Ofcourse it will work...... look at your ass, it worked perfectly there!"
A father was taking his little son out for a walk, and suddenly the little kid ask him: " Daddy..... where
do children come from?"
The father is a bit embaressed by this question and dont know what to say.......
He thinks for a while, and then he says:" Well my son..... children come from the cabbage."
The little kid look at his dad with big eyes....... and then he says: " Oh My God !!! ........there are so
many beautifull women around here...... and my daddy fucks with a cabbage!"
Why is blondie staring at a pack of orange-juice?
( the package said "concentrated" )
A woman was giving birth to a baby, after some time the baby's head came out......
The doctor looks at it and ask: "Did you ever had sex with a chinese man?"
And the lady tells him: "Yes doctor, 1 time i had sex with a chinese man."
The doctor says: "Well..... o.k. 1 time can be enough."
Then the baby's body comes out..........
The doctor looks and ask:" And did you ever have sex with a negro?"
"Yes doctor" says the lady, "1 time i had sex with a negro."
Doctor: "I see...... well..... 1 time can be enough."
Then the doctor checks if the baby will cry, like a healthy baby.........
And yes !!! it cries ! .......
The lady looks up and say: "THANK GOD !!! ....i was affraid it would start barking."
3 guys wich stuttered are sitting in a bar....
Then 1 of them got an idea, and says: "I h-ha-have a-a p-p-pl-plan."
"L-lets all order a-a-a d-dr-drink, w-w-when you c-can do it w-w-wi-without st-stuttering
it is o.k., w-w-when not...... t-th-then you must p-p-pay for all."
They all 3 agree on this plan...... So the call the waitress to come and take their orders.
She ask the 1st one what he wishes to drink...... "Cola" he says.... No stuttering.
Then she ask nr.2 what he wants to drink..... "Beer" he says..... No stuttering.
And finaly she ask nr.3 for his drink....... "Coffee" he says..... No stuttering.
Then she ask: "What coffee do you want sir? Regular, or Esspresso?"
And nr.3 answers: "B-b-bi-bitch !!!!"
It is green, but when you push the button it turns red.......
What is it?
( Frog in a foodmachine )
It is yellow, and the cat is affraid of it........
What is it?
( Canary with a machinegun )
A newly wedded couple spend their weddingnight in a honeymoonsuite of a hotel.
Then the man says to nis wife: " I am gonna call you Eva, .....coz you are my first wife."
The lady answer him: " Then i am gonna call you Peugeot..... coz you are nr. 206."
Two girls are sitting together.........
1st one: " I broke up with my boyfriend 3 weeks ago, and eversibce he has been drunk every evening."
2nd one: " Wow....... he is celebrating for a long time then..."
A girl comes home from school. And she tells her mom: "Today we learned how to count, all the other
kids could count 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, but i could count till 15. ....How is that possible?"
Her mom tells her: "I dont know sweety, maybe it is because you are blonde."
The next day she comes home and tells her mom: "Today we learned the alphabet, all the other kids
could tell A, B, C, D, but i could go till K. How is that possible?"
Her mom tells her: "I dont know sweety, maybe it is because you are blonde."
And that next day the girl comes home again and tells her mom: "Today we learned how to swim,
and all the girls looked the same, but i was the only one wich had tits, how is that possible?"
And again her mom tells her: "Maybe it is because you are blonde sweetheart.......... and 25 !!"
Two friends meet eachother out on the street.......
1st one: "Hey, hear this..... i became a father !!"
2nd one: "Great !!, Congratulations !! ...... and how is your wife now?"
1st one: "I dont know......... i have not told her yet."
IS A COMPUTER A MALE, OR A FEMALE OBJECT ?
1- The internal logics of a computer can only be understood by a few people.
2- Comunications from computer to computer can only be understood by computers itself.
3- If you make one little mistake, the computer will use it against you for a long time, and usually at
times that you dont wanna be remembered by it at all.
4- If you take a computer into your house, it will take you a lifetime of spending money on all kinds
of stuff to keep it in a good shape and make it look more pretty.
CONCLUSION: A COMPUTER IS A FEMALE OBJECT.......